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We are all human and at some time we are going to do something that hurts or offends our loved ones, just as they will hurt or offend us. Its how you deal with it that is important.

Who do you know that holds a grudge? Usually they are the people that spend their time criticising other people and justifying their own actions. They sound a bit like this, "He never, note the use of the word 'never', helps me with x y z so I'm not going to do 123 for him", or, "she got drunk and made a fool of me, I'm not going to let her forget it". These thoughts are destructive in a relationship they will drive a wedge between you.

Forgiveness begins with trying to understand what was going on for the other person and how they were feeling when they did whatever it was that hurt you. Before you judge me, walk in my shoes. That is not to say they were right in what they did, but it will help you understand what they did.

When you have walked in their shoes the next thing to do is to work out how you would want to be treated if you had done the same thing. Would you want to be punished and reminded for the rest of your life about something you did when you were having and off day? Treat your partner as you would want them to treat you.

Two things happen we are hurt, our emotions and thoughts are disturbed, therefore, two things have to be addressed before we can forgive. We have to think through the process so that we can feel right with it. Forgiving an action doesn't mean that you approve of it, it means that you choose to accept your partners mistake, whether or not they have apologised. You accept that you have been treated wrongly, upset, hurt, lied to, you acknowledge your feelings, but under the circumstances, i.e. your loving relationship, you decide to put these thoughts and feelings away for the greater good of the relationship. Forgiveness also improves your health! carrying grudges around makes you prone to all the diseases caused by stress and tension.

Forgiveness comes from a place in you that recognises we are all human and all capable of acting wrongly at some time. There does come a point however, when you decide that some aspects of your relationship with a certain person must come to an end, this is the same for friendships or couples. If one party continues to cause the same offence knowing that they are causing hurt and upset, there comes a time when the conversation may sound a bit like this, " I notice that almost every time we go out together you get drunk, when you are drunk you belittle me in front of our friends. I have asked you several times not to do that. You have agreed that you would stop and I accepted that, however, I haven't seen any change and I'm not prepared to go on forgiving you for upsetting me when you don't seem to be making any effort to change what you are doing".

At this point there is still a choice that the other person can make, they can take responsibility for their behaviour and continue the relationship, or they can carry on as they are knowing that you will take steps to protect yourself from further hurt. It may be that you will no longer go out with that particular friend or you may choose to stay home when your partner goes out drinking with friends, or you may decide that there is no longer a place for this person in your life.

Forgiveness comes from respect for your self and that other person, if they cannot or will not join you in that respect it is time to reassess the relationship.

The true purpose of any friendship or relationship if to bring joy, happiness, support, love and development to each other, a strong friendship or relationship enables each party to explore their opportunities and grow into the best person they can be. If your relationship is not ticking these boxes you may seek advice or counseling, you may be able to work things through together or you may decide that you are not able to continue in a loving supportive way therefore it is better to part.

If you are having relationship difficulties and would like to work on yourself or together with your partner, check out this link, http://www.yemanyacoaching.com We have everything you need to create great relationships.

Solution Focused Coaching gets to the heart of the matter and helps you put strategies in place to make the life you want. Make a life not just a living!

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This article is from Mary Moir M.Ed. Yemanya Coaching has been designed by Mary to give you access to tried and tested strategies that will give you more fun, more success and more control of your life. Look out for articles from Yemanya Coaching on Relationship Advice and Parenting.

Eat Your Greens: How to Handle Tricky Vegetables - From Bbc Green

Some vegetables can be tough customers, admits Caspar van Vark. But with a little imagination, you can turn a hard tuber into a fabulous seasonal dish

Not all seasons are equal. The autumn months, for example, are a happy time for the cook. There are still some late raspberries and soft purple figs to eat with goat’s cheese or cured ham. Pumpkins appear in every size and shape, and there are crisp apples bursting with juice.

There’s a certain satisfaction to eating with the rhythm of the planet and catching things at their best. But the romance of seasonal eating starts to wane a bit once autumn has turned to winter. Sit at mother nature’s table and you have to eat what she serves.

Out go the vine-ripened tomatoes and golden ears of corn - instead, we are faced with muddy celeriacs, swedes and turnips. Even the most determined seasonal eaters will feel their heart sink when they open their food box and find yet another spooky, alien-looking root vegetable.

Eat ugly food

The easiest solution is to put the kohl rabi in the bottom of the fridge, wait for it go off and then throw it away. We’ve all done it, but there’s no need - all of these winter vegetables will reward you if you make a tiny bit of effort.

Take the Jerusalem artichoke - it sounds so exotic, but it looks like ginger and is the thing you usually find rattling around in your organic box after you’ve taken everything else out. Not only is this one ugly tuber, it also has a reputation for giving people flatulence!

But give it a chance – the Jerusalem artichoke has a good nutty flavour and really comes into its own if you peel it, slice it thinly and bake it with cream, like you would potato dauphinoise. It’s also a great source of iron, vitamin C, phosphorous and potassium.

To cut down on the windy effects, parboil the peeled artichoke and throw away the water. Callers to BBC Radio 4’s Veg Talk  programme have also recommended a cup of fennel tea afterwards or, more bracingly, a shot of cider vinegar.

Root down

Our other staple winter vegetables, such as turnips, swedes and celeriac, have much in common - they’re starchy, need peeling and they’re a bit intimidating. Traditionally, these vegetables have been boiled and mashed. And they are very good like that – just add a good knob of butter, maybe some cream, and plenty of salt and pepper.

Still, it can all feel a bit too beige and bland. Fortunately, these vegetables respond well to a kick up the bum. Try cutting them into wedges, brushing with oil and roasting (like potato wedges) Add some fire chilli or other spices, such as cumin or hot paprika.

Top tastes

Similarly, you can cut them into chip-shapes and roast them like oven chips. Blanch them in boiling water first, then let them cool off and dry. Next toss them in some oil and then put them in a hot oven for about 20 minutes. If you have several of these vegetables knocking about, you can mix them all up.

You can also get more creative. There’s a lot to be said for grating winter vegetables because it brings out their sweetness and a new texture. Try grating celeriac and mixing it with sour cream or mayonnaise for a winter salad – think Waldorf and add some walnuts and celery if you want.

A cure for sprout phobia

Some more familiar winter vegetables include Brussels sprouts and pumpkin. While not as scary as swedes and celeriac, people harbour prejudices about these foods. The sprout, in particular, has an image problem.

If you just boil your sprouts, it’s no wonder if you get bored – try steaming them for a couple of minutes and then stir-frying them in a smoking hot wok. Add what you like – onion and garlic, bacon, chopped chestnuts – and finish with a splash of balsamic vinegar. The stir-frying gives a sweeter edge to the sprouts and makes them less cabbage-like.

World inspiration

It’s also helpful to look around the world for inspiration. Pumpkins can seem bland, but in Argentina it’s traditional to hollow them out and cook meat in them for a thick, hearty stew. The pumpkin is then baked in the oven for an hour or so and the stew is ladled out of it.

Pumpkins are also popular in some Asian cuisines – Nigella Lawson has a recipe for a yellow pumpkin and seafood Thai curry – and it appears in South Indian recipes too. In the Caribbean, pumpkins turns up in braises and in the Middle East they are often stuffed with meat, rice and spices.

The comfort zone

And finally, think of the carrot cake and extrapolate from there. There’s almost no end of possibilities for creating savoury – or indeed sweet – muffins and cakes using winter vegetables. It’s precisely their sweet, starchy nature that makes them get on well with butter and flour.

A basic muffin recipe can be adapted by leaving out the sugar and adding a few cups of grated vegetables – carrot, parsnip, potato – and some cheese to make a savoury batch. If you have kids, this is a sneaky way of getting some extra vegetables into their diet. Apple and carrot work well together in a muffin recipe.

Winter always feels like ages, but it will seem like an eternity if you eat boiled turnips. Open your mind, be creative and you might even find yourself looking forward to the swede season next year. 

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Ported sub box demensions correct?

ok putting a 12" kicker L5 subwoofer in a wedge shaped box, im running the sub on 500wrms not specified 600wrms. the wedge will be 17.7 inches high, 23.7 inches deep and 23.7 inches wide that makes a total internal volume of 2.3cubic feet (thats with driver and wood thickness subtracted) now this is the part that confuses me... i want to port it, 1.75 - 3.25 cubic feet is the recomended enclosure size, so mine is correct but what size port do i make? i used a calculator thingo and got a 3 " port thats 4.3 inches long does this sound right? if it is right, where abouts do i place the port? is anywhere fine? please help! first timer making a box and i want it to thump
so my port needs to be 4 inches in diameter and 11 inches long?
im making two boxes each one containing one kicker L5....

go to www.the12volt.com they have a section that shows you how long you port should be with the size box at a certain hz. its under port calculation

Tasty back to school fare
In Spotswood College's Food and Nutrition classes, Katy Power teaches her students that the key to cooking great-tasting, nutritious meals day after day is to keep it simple. In Kai with Soul, Katy and her students let you in on how easy cooking for a family can be.

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